How I found out I’m gay

Published On June 2, 2017 | By Kathlene Brasel | Dating

My name is Mira, I am 29 year old girl and recently I discovered I am lesbian. You may wonder how is it that I found out just now. Well I wondered the same thing. I don’t get ho how I didn’t manage to see it until now. Well, the answer is pretty simple. I’ve always had many other priorities that had nothing to do with love.

            I can say that I always was very determined to succeed and I knew that I wasn’t able to make it if I don’t study and work as much as it can. I rejected the idea of falling in love because I have seen so many failure cases that I knew that I can’t get my head messed up with situations like this. In high school and college, while my friends went out on dates I preferred to stay and study to get scholarships, to have good grades so that when the next step like finding a job will have to be make, to have as many chances as I can get. And I was a good girl. Don’t think that I spent all my youth between books. No way. I went out to parties, I traveled, but always with friend or family. And I can’t even keep the number of times when I was questioned about why I don’t go on dates. But all the times I said that this is not a priority for me, because I was working on mu future and then it will be enough time to fall in love and have a family. My friends even made laugh of me that I don’t like boys and probably that’s why I don’t get out but I always said that even if that would be the case, the situation would be the same.

            I finished school, I got a job, but not even then a relationship wasn’t what I wanted. My dream was always to be an independent woman, to have everything what I wanted without someone else’s help. I wanted a car, my own apartment and I managed to do all that, all by my own, no matter how many times my family wanted to help. I think that all of them really got used to the idea that I will be alone for the rest of my life, and that because all of them made their families really young. My sister has 25 years old and she already has a child and a second on his way, my parents had as while they were on the age at 20 and 22 years old. I told then that definitely it wasn’t the case. I won’t be alone forever.

            I always loved to travel and I always mad time for it. But, you know, it is very difficult to ravel with the same friends as always and with their family, once they made one. It is not the same thing as when we all singles or without kids. So, having everything I wanted it was probably time for me to tart going out on dates. Well, that was the moment when I realized that even that I liked men for their looks, for their behavior, I could not find someone that make me feel those butterflies. I really panicked because I started to think that I might have a problem and after a while I thought that probably I just got used to be alone and maybe that’s what my life will be. My best friend opened my eyes and she said that I should try to go out with women. I started laughing, but she told me that sometimes she saw me how my behavior changes when I am around women. She didn’t thought it was something but now it makes her wonder. And she thought that I would give it a try. I never saw me like being into lesbian dating but to be honest the idea seemed really good to me. So, we crossed out fingers and we went to a gay bar that we had in the neighborhood. I was a little bit strange to be there but that was probably the moment when I realized that it made sense. There were women that were flirting with me and I didn’t feel like it was inappropriate. I kind of like it. And I must say that it was the best night I ever had. I was even picked up and I got myself a date.

            I still wonder how I didn’t see it before. I mean, I lived between women all the time. How I didn’t feel attraction for any of it? Well, I believe that once that you see all the women in a certain way it is impossible to see them as something else. And I realized I lost so many things that I could enjoy all this time. The thing that I really was afraid was how the people around me will feel like to hear about that, especially my family. But this is a story for another time.

            I found out later, but I would really wanted to realize sooner because I now know for sure that I would have been able to do many other things if I wouldn’t be so obsessed to be independent. So, make time for you to get to know who you really are and to find love.

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